To be thankful….

Today, is thanksgiving day. And many are enjoying the day with their family and friends eating tons of amazing carb-filled food. But I woke up today with such a heavy heart.

Yesterday, Courtney and I received some news about our sweet little that we were not expecting. Several weeks ago the doctors noticed that baby Xander had too much fluid around his brain. We were scheduled to have a fetal MRI yesterday morning and we were praying and believing that the doctors were completely wrong.

To much avail, we were told that baby Xander was diagnosed with agenesis of the corpus callosum, or ACC. He is missing the section of the brain that connects the left side to the right side. ACC is caused when there is a disruption of brain cell migration during fetal development, usually between the 3rd and 12th weeks of pregnancy.

There is still a lot of uncertainty, unanswered questions and what’s next to be answered. But none the less, Courtney & I left the doctor’s office in a complete daze, broken-hearted, unsure of the future, speechless…

We got home to tell our oldest son, Caleb the news. That the brother that he had been waiting for so patiently, was going to be different than him. Yesterday, I told myself that I would only allow myself one day to be devastated and tomorrow we would move on and be thankful for our sweet little miracle baby.

I would be lying to you if I told you that I didn’t cry today in fetal position for an hour hoping that yesterday was a dream or if I told you that I wasn’t crying as I wrote this post. But today, I have 2 choices to make…

I can sit alone all day and cry, asking God the why and how questions or I can thank God for the sweet little miracle that He blessed us with. I can be thankful that God trusted Courtney and I with this sweet life. I don’t know why it happened to us, but God clearly thinks that we are capable of this new season. I don’t know how we will do it, but I’m thankful that I can rest in knowing that we are not alone in this. That God will give us the strength, wisdom, knowledge and grace to be the best parents that we can possibly be to this little guy.

So today, I chose to be thankful. And excited, to meet you sweet baby.